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  “That sounds utterly fantastic. I need to get some vitamins so that will work out perfectly.”

  “You on a new health kick all of a sudden?” As far as I knew, she had never taken a vitamin in her life. She ate good foods and stayed away from the candy and sweets but beyond that she wasn’t too terribly health conscious.

  “I guess so. Last visit to the girlie doc she said I was low on a few things. She gave me some recommendations. You know doctors; if they aren’t examining one end or the other they are trying to jam a pill in it.”

  We laughed for several moments then both of us fell silent. I couldn’t help but feel that key bits of information were being left out. That she was holding back the full truth. On the outside we looked happy, but I could see the inside and it was a much darker place. The whole thing felt awkward.

  ~1~

  My old pickup grumbled and creaked as we drove the twisting highway into town. My truck was one of the few things we received when Erica’s dad had passed away nearly five years ago. The older model Ford was white with a fading red stripe and still had the original full vinyl bench seat so she could sit in the middle, next to me. I had one of the local oldies stations on the radio and we sang out loud with the windows rolled down. Your Song by Elton John came on. This was the first slow dance song played at our small wedding and we had called it ‘our song’ since hearing it on our first date. She leaned into my shoulder and listened to me as I mangled both the words and the melody as I attempted to sing along. For the briefest of moments I felt that I could just barely touch the edge of happiness. Like coming up for air in a torrential ocean storm and breathing a full breath of fresh air. I grasped at the happiness and tried to hold on but as the song faded the feeling did to and I was pulled back into the murky waters. I always felt that the happier I allowed myself to be the more likely it was to be taken away. Guarding against sadness by not allowing yourself to be happy didn’t make a lot of sense, but for the most part it was how I was wired. It kept me safe.

  After the song was done, she reached over and turned the radio down to just a whisper. The air rushing by open windows and the grind of the old engine were the only sounds until we slowed down to make the turn in to the small mom-and-pop grocery store. I loved the store and made a point of shopping there anytime I needed something. I knew there were a few chain stores we could use that were closer and probably cheaper, but there would also be more people. I could drop in here late at night on my way home, just before they closed and not see a soul as I grabbed whatever it was I needed for a late night dinner or breakfast the next morning.

  Today the parking lot was packed. A sunny Saturday in the Pacific Northwest along with the lunch hour left few parking spaces and more customers than I could count. I stared blankly at all of the people walking in and out of the store and gripped the steering wheel harder than I realized. The Darkness was everywhere I looked. Shadows flickered and blinked all around me. It was almost more than I could take. With so much life around, I could feel the overwhelming crush of thousands of shadows. The area was a veritable ocean of black-mercury.

  “Are you anthrophobic?” she asked pointedly. She was looking at my bleach white knuckles as I tried to crush the steel steering wheel and then back at my widening eyes.

  I turned to her stunned from my near panicked state, “Am I what?”

  “Anthrophobic. Do you have a fear people or of being around them?”

  She sounded almost clinical in her question, “Where did you get that from?”

  Flickers and eddies. I see the curl begin to form into a fold. I could see she was building a lie before the words even escaped her mouth.

  “A friend of mine brought it up and it kind of seemed to fit some of the behaviors I have been seeing you demonstrate lately so I thought I would ask.”

  “Ant…what was it again?”

  “Anthrophobic.”

  “Anthrophobic, demonstrating behaviors, what friend of yours talks that way? Are you moonlighting as a therapist now? Should I lie down on a couch and tell you about my mother?” I felt bad for setting her up like this, especially when my comment came out far more snarky than I had intended it too.

  A flash of green sprites. She is seeing a therapist.

  She forced a fake sounding laugh, “No silly! Of course not!” Another forced laugh, “I was just asking. Come on, I’m hungry and the fried chicken should be fresh out of the fryer right now!” She hops out of the truck on the passenger side and shuts the door between us before I can ask anything else.

  She jogged ahead of me across the parking lot as if to run away from the conversation. Her reaction answered some of the questions I had. If she is seeing a therapist than she is concerned about us, right? I guess maybe she is concerned about something else and needed someone she could trust to keep it confidential. That fits better. Either way my concerns about someone else were more or less true, just not in the manner that I feared. At least I didn’t know about anything else. I still felt as if she were hiding things from me and not being honest.

  I have been told I’m a glass-half-empty kind of guy but I don’t think that’s accurate. I look at a glass filled halfway with water and wonder if the water would be happier with a glass that fit better, that didn’t have all that unused and wasted space at the top. Remember, my world is a very dark place.

  I try to concentrate on my feet as I walk across the parking lot. One of these days I was going to get hit by a car if I didn’t pay more attention. The dark part of me smiled, would that be such a bad thing? It sure would solve a lot of my problems.

  ~2~

  I drove the truck slowly over the speed bumps in the parking lot. The old Ford groaned and squeaked as if to complain. Lake Sammamish Park was even more packed than the grocery store. We wound up at the far side overflow parking with a long healthy walk to the picnic area.

  With the two bags full of food and drinks, and the large blanket we would sit on both of us had our hands full as we headed into the open grass field. With the random pockets of people sitting around on blankets, I found that walking with my head down wasn’t an option. I was going to wind up stepping into the middle of someone’s picnic and deal with several of their wrathful Darkness screaming at me. I could see the spot that Erica was heading for and followed close behind her so I could focus on her feet and not the people around us. Nevertheless, I would still catch fleeting glimpses of the black-mercury flowing around me and feel myself cringe slightly.

  Flashes of silver and black with sprites of green and red as a man scolded his son for something.

  Hints of green and blue with a curling silver lining as a young couple share a quick kiss.

  Ripples of silver and blue flashes as the lifeguard walked out to his station.

  Black waves in the mercury and a fine edge of red ripple through the young man as he walked through the crowd.

  The last one caught my attention and I stopped. He felt different. Something about him kept my eyes moving back to watch as he moved around the park. I couldn’t quite pin down what it was. I watched him closer. I could feel myself reaching out to him but it was like trying to control the wind. He met my eyes and looked away quickly but it was enough, I had figured it out. He didn’t want to be seen. Everything he did, how he moved, how he carried himself, how his eyes never remained on one person for more than the briefest of seconds. He was bad. I could finally see his desire to hide written in his Darkness. I would see little mimics reflected in the black-mercury as he walked through the crowd, most people completely unaware of his passing even when he was only several feet away.

  “Come on slacker! I want my food!” she called out with a smile from the small patch of grass she had claimed as ours for the afternoon. She had already rolled out the blanket and was in the process of sitting down while I stood and stared at the boy.

  I made my way to the blanket but never lost sight of the kid as he moved around the crowded park. He was looking for something, hunting for something
. I just didn’t know what, yet.

  “Everything OK with you, Adam? You seem awfully distant.” She put her hand on my shoulder as she asked the question, “You aren’t still mad about my comment at the store are you? I wasn’t trying to be mean.”

  “I can’t be mad if your observation hits close to home, you know?” I continue to watch the kid move around the crowded park.

  More flickers of blackness. He was moving in on something now. He watched a woman attempting to get her child to eat. Her flashes of blue and green reflected as sprites of blue and green in his own Darkness. A man taking pictures of his girlfriend eating a sandwich, the same emotions reflected as the boy passed directly beside them. Neither one aware he was even there.

  “To give a more clear answer, no, I’m not mad in the slightest. Everything is fine. I’m just wondering what that kid is up to.”

  “Which kid?” She tries to follow my gaze.

  “That one right over there, with the smoky-black and red,” I caught myself before I said Darkness, “the, uh, black shirt, some red design on the front.” I looked to see her reaction and found her struggling to see the boy.

  “He’s right there, kind of half behind that tree. There, he just put that fastfood cup on the ground.”

  “I still don’t see him.”

  I could see how hard she was looking for the kid. She was up on her knees with her hand on her forehead to block out the sun as she scanned the crowd. She looks around one more time then sits back down on the blanket.

  Flash of green sprites with just a hint of red smear. He was moving again.

  Where was he going? The way he always kept his gaze moving made it difficult to see what he was really focusing on. For the first time in as long as I could remember, the tiredness that always plagued me faded slightly. I wasn’t invigorated, just not as tired. I tried to reach out and focus more on what he was watching. He turned toward me and for the briefest of seconds our eyes locked. Time stopped around me as I was drawn into his mental world. This was both exciting and invigorating for him, while at the same time and ever present edge of fear. To him this was a hunt. He also had a heavy cloud of anger. He was angry with all the people around him that had what he didn’t. The close-knit families, the laughing children, their nice clothes and cars. Even that cripple had more than he did.

  Flash of black and ripples all the way to the core of his Darkness. The ripples curl and become folds flowing toward the edges.

  Erica broke me away from the boy, “Honey, are you even hearing me? Would you stop worrying about him?”

  “Sorry. What did you say?” I couldn’t look away from the boy. I could see in his Darkness that he was ready to pounce.

  “Can you pass me a napkin?”

  “Oh, yeah. Sure, sorry.” I reached into the bag for a napkin and started to hand it to her. It fell into empty air as I dropped it and sprang to my feet. I was running as fast as my legs would move. In the second I had turned away from the boy he had grabbed the elderly lady’s purse and started running. I was ten yards into my sprint before the person helping the woman in the wheelchair even realized what had happened. Even I was surprised by how fast I had reacted.

  Flashes of green and blue in the swirling Darkness. Ripples of red curl out from the core and fade into small folds of green.

  He thought he was getting away clean. I was moving far faster than he was. He turned to look over his shoulder just in time to see me crashing into him as if I were winning the big game with this tackle.

  Flashes of red and a deep pulsing blackness. Anger that seethed and boiled like a small storm.

  I crashed into the boy and we rolled to the ground. He had no desire to fight he just wanted to flee. I rolled him onto his stomach and pinned his arms to the ground. Several bystanders that had watched it unfold finally ran up with their cell phones in hand as they gave directions to the police. I looked around for Erica and saw her at the back of the crowd. I couldn’t see her very clearly and found myself overwhelmed by the sheer volume of Darkness all around me.

  Too many colors, too much Darkness. Shadows are all around me. Flashes, ripples, pulses, the air was virtually alive around me. Flowing over and through me, waves of the black-mercury! The air is alive around me!

  It’s too much. A feeling like claustrophobia begins to surround me. Nauseas waves roll through me as I am mentally crushed by the myriad of colors. I feel myself wanting to curl into a fetal position and just scream. My eyes move around the crowd unable to look anywhere else. I pass over Erica’s eyes and can see her smile. Her life energy is my anchor in this storm. I focus in closer, look at the smile. There is no mistaking the genuineness of it. She gives me two thumbs-up and I feel as if I am back in control. I continue to focus on her until the feeling completely passes. I am amazed as tendrils of my Darkness begin to reach out toward her.

  The heavy crowd around me parts as two police officers push their way through. The boy has no more fight left in him and I stand to give them room to arrest him. The lady’s purse has spilled at our feet and I start picking up the loose items and putting them back in. A stray hairbrush is the last thing to be returned to the old leather bag when I feel a gentle hand on my back.

  “Thank you for doing that, young man. I never even saw him until I heard the sneaky little bastard running away. I never would have been able to catch him.”

  I turn and see an elderly man smiling at me.

  Blues and greens swirl. I even catch a glimpse of gold, very rare. The edges tinged with a dark deep blue. His is an old Darkness.

  “I’m just glad I was able to help, I’m glad no one was injured and you got everything back.” I surprise myself by the statement and how true it is. Something has changed in me. It isn’t often you can look back and see the exact instant, the exact heartbeat when your life changed. I can and did. I watched it happen. I felt it happen.

  I handed the leather purse back to the man and thanked the officers. The boy turned out to be eighteen and decided to confess then and there, so they wouldn’t need me for anything. The officer shook my hand and advised me to try not to take the law into my own hands. I smiled politely back at him and turned to walked through the crowd toward Erica.

  She greeted me like a hero and we talked excitedly as we walked back to our blanket. Life continued to swirl and twist around me but for that moment, that instant, I was with my wife. We laughed and ate and enjoyed. I was able to tune everything out for the first time in my life and allow myself to feel happiness.

  ~3~

  Both of us had slept in when I awoke to a knock on our front door. Looking at the small alarm clock on my nightstand I could see it was just shortly after nine in the morning. Sunshine was fighting a losing battle with our heavy window shades so the room was still cloaked in darkness.

  “Who in the world would be knocking on our door this early?” Erica asked through a heavy yawn.

  I pulled my robe off the door hook and headed downstairs, “I’ll see who it is, no need for you to get up too, enjoy a lazy Sunday morning.”

  I could see a short, stocky silhouette through the beveled, smoked glass on the front door. He started to knock again when I turned the dead-bolt and pulled the front door open.

  “Morning Ben.”

  “Sorry Adam, looks like I woke you up.”

  “I need to get motivated anyway. What can I do for you today?”

  Ben was the head of the local home owners association. He had been happily married up until roughly five years ago when his wife was diagnosed with cancer. They had caught it very late and she passed away less than a month after the first diagnosis. She had been his entire world. After that, he took up the reigns for our newly created association and made it his reason to live. Many of the neighbors had moved into this fairly rural area to get away from these types of things and found a lot of reason to resent the man. The simple fact was that the well water was better than ever, the main road into their neighborhood was fully paved and had street ligh
ts, and they could actually get the local city police officers to come out to their neck of the woods now.

  “I’m just making the rounds to remind everyone that the HOA dues payments should be in by the end of this month. After the well issue and the county requiring the new culverts, the township is nearly broke.”

  “I’d write you a check now if we had the money Ben.” Although many of the neighbors called him the Banana Republic Dictator behind his back, I saw him in a different light. I could see in his Darkness the true loneliness of the man. He never left his house without his dog Pickles, even today Pickles, the slightly overweight Black Labrador, sat at his feet and stared at me with a rather bored look on her face.

  “No rush Adam. You guys are always on time. I’m just making the rounds you know. Meet and greet, that kind of thing. Love what you kids have done with that side vegetable garden.”

  “Thank you kindly, Ben.”

  A wave of dark-green circles out from the center leaving an empty core of black-mercury behind.

  We both stood there facing each other with nothing but the awkward silence. Neither of us really knew what to say but I could see he was trying to find something to talk about.

  “So, uh, how have you and Erica been? I saw her photo essay in Nature Walk magazine last month. Fantastic photos, she has a real eye for nature. Don’t know if she had anything to do with the writing but it made me want to hike that trail.”

  “Thank you, Ben. I was quite proud of that work. I was a little disappointed that they didn’t have room for all the photos I wanted but they needed room for the actual story.”