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  “When I was about your age I started descending into a very deep depression. I had trouble relating to those around me. I was probably at about the lowest time in my life. Everything was dark for me and subsequently that was the mood I projected. My wife left me because she couldn’t cope with how distant I had become, how closed off I was. I lost a pretty good job at a shipping company. I was at the bottom without much further to fall. Dark thoughts began to play around in my mind. Thoughts I don’t wish to visit again, thoughts that I would bet are a pretty close mirror to yours.”

  “Sorry to interrupt, but how old are you? You had said you were doing this for thirty-five some odd years, something doesn’t seem to add up.”

  He smiled warmly at me, “Adam, I will be eighty-three years old this year, and in answer to your second question, if you let me continue it will all make sense.”

  I smiled at him, “Please continue.”

  “One of my elders pulled me aside and spoke to me. We sat and talked for what felt like ages. We smoked and talked into the early morning hours. What the elder had to tell me I didn’t want to hear but he persisted until the sun was peeking over the mountains to the East. He told me to go out into the world and look for people. Seek them out and help them. He said that William Songbird had a calling in life and I was choosing to ignore it. That the life energies of the world ebb and flow and I was going against the stream, fighting my way up a raging river when everything I desired out of life was the other direction. What happened a few weeks ago that changed your direction in the current? You had an awakening and even now you are still hanging on to the shore, you don’t want to let go and ease into the flow.”

  “I guess I saved a kid? I’m not even sure what I did to be honest.”

  “How did you do it? Did you use your gifts to accomplish this task?”

  “There’s that word again, gifts,” I smiled and shook my head. “Yes. A little boy was in a coma. His parents were there and told me he would probably never wake up, that he was brain dead. I could see he was perfectly alive but his Darkness was, confusing to me. The flashes of colors and ripples didn’t make any sense to me. I reached out kind of like I did with you but he didn’t push back. We kind of bonded. It’s hard to explain. I see the colors and know what they mean. His were random and I think down inside, inside the part that was actually awake, the boy was terrified. I soothed it, tried to give his Darkness direction, tried to show him the way out. When I pulled away his Darkness looked almost as if he was sleeping and I guess his hand moved. I left after that.”

  “How did you feel after doing that?”

  “Invigorated? Energized yet exhausted? I don’t know if there is even a word for it. I needed rest but not because I was tired, I had extended farther than ever and it took a lot out of me.”

  He continued to just look at me. He looked all around me, through me.

  “Am I alone in the world?”

  “Are you asking if there are others like you, others with your gift?”

  “Yes. Are there others that see what I see? I need to know I’m not some freak of nature.”

  “Not many. But they are out there. My elders called them Ya Aa Tee. They told me I was touched by one. I have never met one with as much insight as you, though. You are very tightly bound to the life spirits, bonded at a level that is very deep. Use it wisely. This can be a very powerful gift and it will continue to grow in power as you use it and learn to master it. But keep in mind that it can be consuming too.”

  I nodded. For the first time in my life, someone was seeing the real me. He was seeing the me that had thought, up until a few weeks ago, that he was some kind of carnival freak show.

  “Because you and I are paired so closely to the life energy that flows around all living things, that bond can be held much longer. You had asked how old I was, my Grandfather survived until he was one hundred and twenty-eight. Even when he finally moved on to the next life, he still didn’t look a day over sixty-five.”

  “And your father? How old?” As soon as the words left my mouth, I saw the dark clouds in his eyes.

  “I don’t speak about my father much.”

  “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pry, William.”

  “It isn’t prying, Adam and if we are to be truly open with each other than I owe it to you to be as honest and open as I expect back. My father had the gift too. He was somewhere between you and me though. As he got older, he began to hear the Darkness and I think that alone drove him mad. He got more and more violent as his life became awash with the sounds that surrounded him. He committed suicide at the age of fifty-two rather than go on dealing with the voices and sounds.”

  “I’m sorry to make you dredge up such painful memories.”

  “It is because of what happened to him, I think that it is critical I be of some help to you. To help you understand that this is not a curse, but a gift. An extremely powerful gift. It will challenge you and how you view the world. It sets you apart from others but not above them. You are different but not better nor worse.”

  I sat quietly for some time and just continued to watch the water flow down the small stream. It would take a long time before I didn’t see this as a curse any longer.

  “Are you still in love with Erica?”

  “More than I ever have been,” I answered without even thinking about it, “I just think she would be happier with someone else that could actually help her reach her dreams. Make life the happy world she wants to live in, not the dark world I see. I think I do nothing but drag her down with me while she is struggling to reach up.”

  “She isn’t struggling to reach up, she is struggling to reach out. You need to talk to her. Have an open, honest and frank conversation. Show her what you can do. Trust her to understand what you are capable of and believe that she will be there for you. You need to alter the way you think about your relationship with her. This is not a curse by any measure. This is a gift that you must master. Accept the fact that the Darkness is a part of you and use it as comfortably as you would use your own hands. You have seen that you can bend it to your will. Have you ever heard of a curse that does that?”

  I sat and watched the river in silence for several minutes, “I wish it was that easy. I truly do. But you are asking me to buck a lifetime of experience, a lifetime of protecting myself. It took everything I had to talk to you about it, and you already knew! What if she just looks at me like I’m insane? Maybe I am insane. There are days I wonder if the world I see isn’t entirely made up, that it only exists in my own mind.”

  “But I do know, trust me on this, Adam. I truly do understand, I watched the ability destroy my father. I watched the same shadow loom over him that I see in you. You know as well as I do where your thoughts often take you. I also know you have been hiding this secret your entire life and deep down inside you truly want Erica to know. You want to share it with her but you are scared. It is a weight that once dropped, will set you free.”

  “It won’t be easy,” I sighed out.

  “It never is my friend. But it’s the first step and you need to take it. You trusted me and you just met me. You owe it to her to give her that same trust. I think you will be surprised.”

  ~1~

  The next morning William’s words still hung heavy on my head. I really wanted to open up to Erica and tell her everything but it was turning out to be far more difficult than I could imagine. Where do I begin? How do I start? How do I explain the way I view the world? Where do I start? Do I begin with the Darkness that I see and that exists in all living things, even in her? I couldn’t find a starting point, a place to begin where I didn’t sound like some lunatic spouting fantasies.

  I could feel it coming to a head on that fateful Sunday morning. We were sitting down to breakfast and the questions were forming in her Darkness before they I ever heard them spoken aloud.

  Black mercury ebbs in ripples. Silver lining with flecks of blue and green.

  “How did you like your visit
with William? You haven’t really talked about it at all. I’m hoping that you really connect with him. He’s a good, honest man.” She raised her eyebrows and flashed a trusting smile.

  “It was actually really, really good. He really gave me a lot to think about and I did connect with him far better than I thought I ever would. I will definitely be seeing him again on a regular basis.”

  She was silent for several moments waiting to see if I would offer more.

  “Do you think it will help?”

  Help me? Help her? Help us?

  “Yes. I firmly believe that.”

  Flecks of blue with sprites of red swirl.

  “Would it be at all possible for you to give more than just a few word answers?”

  “Erica, I’m trying. I really am. Please believe me.”

  Faint flash of red at the core of the Darkness.

  “Try harder!” she nearly yelled. “Do I mean anything to you? Can you at least make an effort? Look at me when we talk and not over my shoulder or above my head?”

  “I am trying damn it! I want to try more, be better! I want us to be better. I want us to be the way we were but I don’t know where to start! I feel like I’m falling down a well and pulling you in after me! I want to talk to you, tell you everything but I’m terrified that all it will do is pull you into the dark world I live in.” I stared at her with tears forming in my eyes, “How do I begin?”

  “Start anywhere! Start at the beginning, start at the end, pick some random place in the middle, I don’t give a damn! Just talk to me! Tell me everything is going to be all right, tell me you will be there for me! Tell me you will take care of us.”

  Sprites of green with flashes of blue. It hits me like a towering wave of water.

  “Us?”

  Her lip trembles as if she had just been caught. I could see the fear flow around her Darkness. She was truly in fear and it hurt me to see her that way. I wanted so badly to reach out and tell her everything would be OK.

  “I’m pregnant, Adam. I am pregnant. We are going to have a child and I don’t know if I can count on you to be there for me, for us. I need you now more than ever, Adam. Do you understand me? I need to know you will be there for me. I can’t do this alone and I don’t want to do it without you.”

  She stands to run out of the dining room but I stop her. How could I have been so blind? In all my arrogance I assume that every flash, every flicker is related to me. That every turn of the Darkness that surrounds Erica must in some way be related to me. I hold her tight as I look to the ceiling and wonder where I begin. How do I make this right? How do I make us right? How can I fix this?

  “Do you really want to know me? I mean the real me. The me that up until yesterday afternoon no one else on this Earth knew.”

  “You don’t think I already do?”

  I stifled a laugh, “No, you have no idea what I am. We need to go to a place with lots of people.” I thought for several seconds, “Get dressed, we are going to stroll the mall. I will explain everything when we get there. The only thing I ask is that you keep an open mind and don’t judge until you know everything.”

  My truck squeaked and vibrated over every small bump in the road but it added some noise to what was otherwise a silent ride into town. It wasn’t an uncomfortable drive but I could see the anticipation and questions in Erica’s Darkness as we drove. She looked nervous but I gave her hand a squeeze and she relaxed a bit.

  The mall parking lot was packed as I expected but I found a spot near the main entrance and I parked the truck. She looked at me with a question in her eyes but I held my finger to my lips as we made our way inside.

  Maybe I could change? Maybe I could do this and show her the real me?

  Erica was sitting on the mall bench with her jacket folded over her arms when I returned with our coffees. I sat down next to her and began to look around.

  “What are we doing just sitting here? I don’t understand how this is supposed to help us.”

  “I’m teaching you. I’m showing you what I am, who I am. I am trying to show you my world and how I see it. I can’t think of any other path that wouldn’t ultimately lead to this anyway so I’m just getting it out of the way now. I just ask that you watch with your heart.”

  She gave me a very confused look, “I don’t understand. I’m trying so hard too though!”

  “You will understand. Be patient and trust me.”

  It was nearly fifteen minutes of awkward silence before I finally found what I was looking for. A girl that looked to be about seventeen years old was standing outside of the coffee shop looking into the window of some teen clothing store next door. She appeared to be dressed in what the kids were calling Goth, I think. I wasn’t sure. Every stitch of clothing was black, down to the nails on her fingers. She even heavy black over-done eyeliner. But I wasn’t looking at her clothing choices; I was focused on her Darkness.

  “Ok. Do you see that girl in black over there?” I tried to point casually without drawing any undue attention to us.

  “Where?”

  “Standing just to the left of the coffee shop entrance. She is leaning over and looking into the window of that clothing store, kind of by the manikin in the red dress.”

  “I still don’t see her. Wait! Yeah! She is standing there plain as day, how did I not notice her?”

  “For starters, she doesn’t want to be seen. It’s complicated, I will try to explain more later. To be honest I don’t quite understand that part yet.”

  Quick flash of deep green with an edge of red ripples across the black mercury.

  “She wants to steal that peach colored dress on the far rack. The one on the far right there, kind of hanging by itself. Do you see it?”

  “How could you possibly know that?” She looks at me with that now familiar questioning look.

  “Please just watch and listen.” I saw some interesting flashes at the center of her Darkness, “Ok, now I understand. She is working with that boy on the far inside. Do you see him? He’s in a light blue muscle shirt, short spikey blond hair, looks really athletic.”

  “Those two are together? They couldn’t look any more different. How do you know they are together?”

  “Just watch. OK, the boy standing next to the front counter is about to distract the clerk he is talking to at the register.”

  The boy appears to accidently knock over a display of earrings and they scatter across the floor. The man working the register disappears behind the counter as he begins to pick them up.

  “There is the distraction. Girl in black has her bag open, walks casually across the front of the store, dress slips off the hanger and into the bag.”

  “How could you possibly know all of that just by looking at them?”

  “It’s the same thing I did at the park that day with that purse snatcher. Wait here.”

  Green lining as the sprites of red fade. The black mercury darkens ever so slightly as the smoke of deceit taints it.

  “Excuse me ma’am, I believe you have something that doesn’t rightfully belong to you.”

  She turns to me with a startled look, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

  “Sure you do. You have a peach colored dress wadded up in that big black bag you are carrying. You just removed it from the rack over there and didn’t pay for it, you are working with the young gentleman over by the counter.”

  She looks me up and down with contemptuous sneer, “Are you security? You sure as hell don’t look like it.”

  “No ma’am, I am not. I’m just a person who doesn’t want to see you make a mistake. Put the dress back, now.”

  “What do you care if I take a stupid dress? They’re a big company, they won’t miss it.”

  “I don’t care about them. But by your own actions you are doing far more harm to yourself by stealing for your no-good friend than you could ever imagine. Do you really think this road will ever lead anywhere good? Do you know where this course will lead? Once you set off
down this path, it may be impossible to turn back.”

  Sprites of red ripple from the Darkness. Pale shades of red mist float out from the center.

  “What if I don’t put it back? If you aren’t security then I could just scream and get your ass arrested.”

  Before I even realize what I am doing, I reach out through the Darkness. Tendrils of the black-mercury encompass her and squeeze down hard and fast then release, it is over in an instant. She gasps slightly as she feels the energies mix. Her life force is briefly crushed from all sides then released. It is the equivalent of suddenly finding yourself in clear acrylic box that is just a hair too small for your body to fit in.

  Panicked flashes of blue and green swirl in random patterns as she struggles to figure out what just happened.

  I don’t quite understand what I just did but I move past it and lock eyes with the frightened girl and speak in the most commanding yet quiet voice I can pull off, “Try it and see what you are really dealing with. You think I give a crap about one random dress getting stolen, about some corporation losing a penny or two? I don’t give a rat’s ass about that. Put the dress back and go home. It isn’t too late to change your path.”

  The girl looks at me, her eyes wide with fear and filled with wonder at what I am. She doesn’t break eye contact but pulls the dress out of her bag and throws it back into the store. She turns and runs without looking back. She continues sprinting down the mall in the direction of the main entrance until I lose her in the crowd of Darkness.

  I turn back and find that her friend has been watching the entire time.

  The young man walks out to confront me. His Darkness is lined with anger and rage. He has a desire for things that aren’t his, but the boy feels they should be. Not only does he covet everything that isn’t his now he feels he is entitled to them. That taking something is no different than grabbing what he already owns. He may be the more conservatively dressed of the two but to me there is now doubt that the real trouble is standing in front of me. He uses people and doesn’t care. When they are no longer of use to him they are discarded like an empty candy wrapper.